Memories

There's often talk about parents building memories fortheir children. While I think that is valuable, I'm thinking that many of the memories we've built with the weeWeir have done us as much, or more good than they have for her.

I'm thinking about when we had a few nights away last month and she wouldn't settle to sleep on our first night. We tried our usual arsenal of tricks, but nothing worked. Eventually, after four hours we out her in the car and she was asleep in seconds. Literally seconds.

Literally.

I look back and find it completely fine, cute, understandable and all that. At the time, it was none of those things.

What did I learn from that memory? What do I need to leave behind from that memory?

I learned that the moment can be hard to separate from the context. That being away from home a few weeks after you move to a new home is pretty unsettling for a weeWeir. And that being awake until midnight one night will result in no problems the following night.

I learned that getting worked up by the lack of sleeping child is understandable but almost as futile as the lack of sleep itself. It's part of the process and next time, we'll try the car about three hours earlier in the process...

It would be easy to jump to a conclusion that we should never go away from home again, or never try and get the weeWeir to sleep in a strange bed. But that's not the real memory.

We had a great holiday and learned some new stuff about going away from home when you have a small person involved.

Have you ever been there? What are your memories telling you?

Amen, Daddy

Yesterday, the weeWeir got herself all upset over something. I wasn't in the room at the time, and I'm not sure what the *something* was.

Crying, she came running to find me, saying "Daddy" and other words I couldn't quote interpret at the pace and insistence she was using. Kneeling on the floor, I asked her why she was crying.

"Daddy...[insert toddler ramblings here]" was the response. But I knew it wasn't my fault.

"Where is is sore, I asked".

Same reply.

As I held her and she calmed down, I listened again. "Amen, Daddy". It made a little more sense now.

Since before she was born, Jenny and I have prayed with the weeWeir. Before bed for sure, but at other times too. Particularly if she had hurt herself or was unsettled. That and singing with her.

So as I knelt with her on the floor, I prayed a few simple words asking Father to come with Grace & Peace in Jesus name.

An "amen" from Beth (yes, I used her name which is unusual) and she was calm.

A lot of thoughts on the back of this precious moment, which I'll unpack soon, but what's your view. Yes you. Add a comment and share your thoughts.

you are not alone

A couple of weeks ago, I got a wee bump in followers on twitter.

Then later that day, I got a message from someone saying:

"@theWeir I read "the egg" today and it blew my mind. How did you come up with that?" (it's here)

I didn't recognise the author of the message, and more importantly, didn't remember writing anything called "the egg". A quick check of blog

titles and writings confirmed that I was being mistaken for someone else.

But who were they looking for, and what was "the egg"? I replied thanking the person, but suggesting it was a different Andy Weir. They passed me this link.

Now I knew that this wasn't me as my relationship with God doesn't lead to reincarnation...

I thought not much more about it until I opened up Google Reader and found a whole load of results in my "tracking" RSS feeds. I'm sad (or vain?) enough to keep an eye on what my name shows on Google and twitter searches.

Not because I expect to find some scandal about me, but just to know what's being picked up about people with the same name as me. Mitch talks about it a lot in the area of Personal Branding. While I'm not in the game of building a brand of Andy Weir, I do want to be aware what Google says about me as that can impact the perception a prospective employer might have of me.

And here we are ten days, and an 800% jump in website views for my homepage later and I'm still getting results about "the egg" and a steady stream of new twitter followers. When I tweet about Jesus, do you think they'll be confused?

Too late.

I posted this earlier:

"thoughts of future, possibilities and faith mingle with weariness and uncertainty to leave me open to grace & peace. a re-drawing of things."

And got a reply:

"@theWeir Dude, did you write "The Egg" or not? Am I following the right Andy Weir? :) But seriously..."

The answer, was clearly "Nope"...

What's my reply to "the egg"? I have a future and a hope in Jesus that lasts longer than I can understand. There is enough Grace and Peace in the Love of God to calm the most tormented soul and there is one life to live for the Glory of the King and that's what I am all about.

I have no pity for the other Andy Weir. I have respect for his writing. It's a beautifully created narrative. My worldview is different and I can cope with his being different too. Some of the ideas in "the egg" resonate with truth I can agree with.

But my hope is built not in my attaining God-likeness but in being given the gift of life in God, of losing my self and finding wholeness in Christ.

Of being reborn into His likeness...

I never knew you

Isn't it amazing how people are great?

Too often we hear how we're hard done to, cheated out of what we're *entitled* to and generally at the wrong end of the wedge of happiness.

Well, it's not really like that in the real world. We all face challenges, sure, but we are very seldom alone and I'm wondering if we do find ourselves genuinely alone and facing a significant problem, it's maybe because of the choices we've made. Of the distance we've kept from others.

So it's with a grateful heart I say thank you to those who supported us with concern, empathy and basically love over the past few days.

I posted some messages on Twitter & Facebook about us taking the weeWeir to hospital at the request of the Doctor, as well as sending a few SMS messages to close family and friends.

The replies brought me to tears, realising we were not alone.

While we were not on our own, we knew that God was with us through it all, we also knew you were with us too. And for that we can only say

Thank you. You know who you are.

The weeWeir is doing better thanks. We continue to keep an eye on her and see how she does in the days ahead.

War. What is it good for?

Getting things, done, apparently.

We all face challenges in life as we deal with *stuff*. I've felt a little more Resistance than usual over the last few months, with situations at work, the selling and buying of houses and a few other things. Sure, none of them are ending the world, but there's a sense in which they do impact how I live.

Some things I've read recently - and thoughts in moments of quiet and reflection - have encouraged me to keep going in the face of adversity.

I'm not a fighter. Never been much good at it. To be honest, I don't do conflict very well. However, there's got to be times where we stand up for what is right. What we believe in. What we hope for. If we don't, we're as well bowing down to the nearest collection of dust particles and pledging our allegiance.

God speaks. God breathes. God is light, life and hope in the midst of death. Those are not glib words, but the tear-soaked reality of experience. You know how that feels.

So I found this post on Lateral Action, featuring Steven Pressfield utterly compelling.

Resistance.

We face it. Either from not releasing the hand brake in the car, or by believing that we can't do something.

What do I do in the face of Resistance? Give in and satisfy the temptation or press on towards the goal. To stand up for what we believe in and see it through.

It's hard work.

But that's okay. We're not afraid of hard work, are we?

Or we're not afraid of a little discipline, are we?

I found the story of Collette a little harsh for our modern mindsets - but the discipline of limiting our media consumption really chimed. Challenged by something Clive wrote a while back, I try and take shabbat from consumption regularly, but would value becoming more disciplined on this front.

So war is good. When you are fighting Resistance...

How about you?

What Resistance do you face and how can we help each other over come.

Things wot I learned on holiday #4

Sometimes its good to stop and watch the water flowing.

If it's in a burn, a river, the sea or from the sky. Just watch the water.

(img source: me)

September Song

I was on the way to work the other day and these lyrics came to mind.

This confusing fire where the flames fall down to earth

The world is upside down and in the autumn we forget

The pen within my hand led the ink into its mark

The book upon my lap now lies closed, its verse retired

No solace in these words, no mirror to the beauty here

The paper and the page, the poetry that fails and falls and dies

Can you make me live? Can your words be true?

Can you take this heart? Can you make it new?

Why can I not change all the pain I see?

Why do I do wrong? Is there something wrong with me?

My head is in my hands, the tears fall down my face,

Why do you forgive? Why cover me with grace?

How can I not search all these mysteries?

Forgive my unbelief, help me to believe

Like leaves the questions fall, silent, empty, stilled, untrue

And in my heart I know you will never change and all I have is you

In particular the chorus. Such an honest cry for Grace. For Mercy. For Peace.

Beautiful. Thank you, Daniel Goodman & Note for a Child.

You can hear the song on You Tube here.

200.

This is, interestingly enough, my 200th blog post since I moved from iWeb (here) to Blogger (erm, here).

I've known the number was approaching for a while and had a few ideas, but when I was playing with the weeWeir tonight, it all became clear.

You see, Beth is doing what we all do and growing. She's doing it pretty well too. Jenny and I are grateful for such a treasure. Beth is our wee promise in action.

So tonight, I'm breaking with my own position. You can read about that here.

This post is about my family. Beautiful and complex and delightful.

Beth was getting ready for bed and decided she'd like to wear a hat. Off she trotted to find one, but her hats were nowhere to be found. She found a pair of gloves. Infact, she found one mitten, came back asking that it be put on her hand and then went to find the other glove.

Then she was keen on a hat again. So I gave her a hat. It's spring mind, and she's in her jammies. I love this kid.

Then it was time to brush her hair. Not the most enjoyable of activities for Beth, but we got there. I, now sitting on the bottom step in our hall, asked if she wanted to brush my hair (as you do).

Beth put on her hat (at a jaunty angle), pulled on one of the mittens and stood on the step. Next made three intentional swooshes through my hair with her brush and looked intently at her work. She then put her arm on my shoulder, rested her head and smiled.

I could have wept.

Then it was time for bed.

Delightful.

So here's to you Beth, keep bringing a smile to our hearts.

(strike a pose...)

(couldn't resist including a wee snap of Mrs theWeir and I too!)

Wash my motives clean

"Why?"

It's a question that's often fun to answer. While the weeWeir is not yet at the inquisitive, asking "why?" to everything stage yet, I've been thinking a bit about motivation.

Why do we do things? Is it for respect, recognition or reward? How about to show compassion, capability or some sense of achievement?

Do I tell you a certain story as a way of controlling? Do I use circumstances to manipulate others into doing what I want?

Does it matter?

Too right it does.

You see, in the teachings of Jesus, the heart (or motives) are crucial. The intent is vital. But so it the approach.

It's Easter Sunday. Did Jesus intend to die? Yes. Why? "Not my will, but yours be done".

Did He do it in some grand show of bravado? Some demonstration of self-deprecation - or ultimate folly?

Nope. It was the ultimate sacrifice. The blameless took my shame.

Why? So that God would be glorified - and people would be drawn to Him.

My hope is that people see Jesus through how I live. That Jesus would show them the love of the Father, the Creator. And that through faith we can live in grace & peace, full of love and a hope that doesn't disappoint.

Motives are hard to judge from the outside, so I can't really speak for anyone else, but this Easter, I hope you meet with the living Jesus who loves us more than we'll ever know.

My hope is that people don't see me as someone who has it all together, who has it all figured out.

PS - the title is a line from a Sue Rinaldi song "Change this world". I remember a gig with IndigoEcho when Sue was *headlining*. That was an odd gig, lots of fun, but still odd. We played to about 20 people in a 300-capacity tent in Ayrshire. The line "come and wash our motives clean" has stayed with me for over 10 years as I think about why I do things.

why don't you...?

One of the strongest memories I have of summer holidays from school is a TV programme called "why don't you...?". Do you remember it. It was usually on about 9.25 and it was on either BBC1 or 2. This was before the days of widespread multi-channel TV, kids.

In all honesty, the only thing I can really recall is the theme tune - and one particular lyric: "why don't you... just switch off your TV set and do something less boring instead". (you can see the whole title sequence here on the BBC site).

Just think. We, the viewer, were being invited to switch off the programme. Before it started. Now that wasn't the point of it. But it's something that's reverberated around my head for all the years since. Just switch off the TV and do something else. Sometimes, there's things worth watching, however it's very rarely that I'll put the TV on just to see what's on. So when reading what Seth had to say here and his reference to Clay Shirky's keynote on Cognitive Surplus, it reminded me of that song. And the invitation.

I think about what I do with an evening and often, as with many of us, it's doing things around the house, preparing for a future event or doing a book. While I might not feel like I'm working towards an MBA in my evenings, the time spent keeping the family in clean clothes or clearing up after myself (!) means there's more time for other things.

More recently, the acquisition of a Wii has brought a mix of entertainment and exercise into the house too. Which can't be bad.

Or can it?

I agree with Seth. My one caveat is the importance of rest. Finding the unforced rhythms of grace is so crucial. We can't run forever like we've got a limitless source of energy. We need rest. Not sloth. Just times of quiet, or space, or refreshing our senses.

What are you up to tonight?

what's your problem?

So, the title is a bit provocative. But you're okay with that, right?

I like what Tom Peters has to say about Leadership. I like a lot of what he has to say. Interesting 2 minute clip of some thoughts on what the real *problem* is:

So this makes me think about two things in particular:

1) responses are key, and our response is driven by our character. The responses I gave to questions as a know--most-of-it twenty year old are not the same ones that I would give now. Some of that is a good thing. Most of it, in fact, but there's a tiny part of me wants to respond with that little bit more clarity than I do now. But that's an aside.

2) our behaviours will lead to us having to respond. We can't just do stuff and expect to get away with it. I don't think we were made to just float through life without being accountable for who we are and how we live our lives.

What's your response? Do you care what other's responses are going to be?

I'm definitely asking that my character continues to mature - with losing the freshness of my youth. Stale = stinky!

it's no' here

Just a week ago, there was still a few inches of snow in our garden, on the way to work yesterday, I noticed a few tiny islands of grubby ice.

Like many things in life, how quickly we forget...

Or at least how quickly I forget. Those moments of wonder as the snow kept falling. Moments of joy as the sun lit up the world, reflecting off the whitened ground. And those moments of skiting down a slope on a piece of plastic.

It's completely right to live here. Now. As asbojesus said:

However, it's good to remember and be grateful. It's good to remember and learn. It's good to remember, lest we forget the grace we live. It's also good to dream, to think about possibilities.

What are you remembering today?

What are your dreams?

What do you know about it?

A calming, perspective-creating piece of film from the American Museum of Natural History.

Being very small has never been so simply stunning to me since our first picture of the weeWeir.

What do you think?

What? No and Thank You.

A few weeks ago, I made reference to some car-related challenges we were facing.

The weekend just passed, we collected our repaired car.

It felt like a real struggle to get resolution to this situation, and I won't go into the minutiae of the full story, but there were three significant events:

1. the car broke down with an almost identical fault that was repaired while under warranty in December. Jenny was headed home with the weeWeir at the time of this happening.
2. the garage were claiming no responsibility as the car was now out of warranty - resulting in a quite heated phone conversation between Jenny and a service person at the garage.
3. the 2195 word email I sent to the Managing Director of the company - in which I gave the full story from when we bought the car in June 2009 until the moment the email was sent.

In the end, a few things happened. The car was repaired. We split the cost with the garage, which was a fair result (from our point of view, and hopefully from theirs!). We also learned that there's a lot of things that matter a LOT at the time, but in 100 years will have any impact?

I really don't like complaining. I don't think the world owes me anything and I'm certainly not convinced that everything should be perfect. In fact, I'd much rather take action by not using - or not recommending - a provider, product or service than by shouting and bawling about it. However, this time there was a clear sense of imbalance, and that's no good for anyone. My email wasn't abusive, vindictive or nasty (even if I do say so myself) but it stated what happened and why we felt let down. Our Mini Adventure was made possible by this company. They were *brilliant* at that time. Why not now?

Giving credit where it's due is important. The Managing Director of Eastern Holdings was absolutely first-class in the way he responded to my letter. I'll say it publicly, I would do business with their group again. I might not go back to the original garage, but I have confidence that their business is being run in the right way. Thank you, Mr Brown & your colleagues who helped get this sorted.

Funnily enough, I read this by Seth Godin today. He makes the valid point about the use (or not) of *but* when prefacing a complaint.

Read his post and see what you think.

Share the Joy

Today, Mrs theWeir and I took babyB to get her first pair of shoes.  She's a few weeks away from her first birthday, which will be great to celebrating.  After leaving the shop with the shoes on her feet, we spent a bit of time walking as a family - babyB holding us both by the hand and walking along in her first pair of shoes.  

What a joy!  It was great to have this moment together, to walk at a slow pace and simply enjoy being together.  A real moment of peace and joy in my heart.  I thanked God for those steps we took together.

So, it got me thinking.  Life is full of challenges, of highs and lows.  Everyday, there must be something that happens which also brings me joy.  So, why not share them?  With the micro-sharing tool of twitter, I can share the joy with you.  But the discipline will help me savour more moments of life.  And that can only be a good thing.

I'll be trying to do this everyday, and use the hash-tag #sharethejoy - if you are on twitter, why don't you join me and share the joy.

Let me know what you think - leave a comment or DM me on twitter.

Grace & Peace,

W

the world is spinning faster....

make it stop!

Okay, maybe not literally, but I'd be quite happy if I learned my lesson, said *enough* and took it at a more manageable pace for a week or ten.

This week, I am mostly working my buns off at work, feeling pretty bad about not seeing J and babyB as much as I'd like and missing keeping aware of what's going on in the outside world.  It feels like I'm a cycle of sleep, wake, work, home, eat, sleep etc etc.  And that's not good.  For anyone.

Does anyone else feel that this year has simply got faster in the past four weeks?  It's not that long since our anniversary, a few weeks earlier, J's birthday and yet those seem like distant (fond) memories.

I want to sing that Randy Stonehill song and be done with it all.  "stop the world, I wanna get off".  Not forever, just to learn my lesson.  Anyone got the handbrake?